Leadership – what happens when they experience their own behaviours?

I have long been interested in the kindness of humans and the impact our behaviours and actions have on those around us. Both positive and negative impacts can last decades. 

We can all relate to the feelings left by someone in our past years after the event. Their words and actions might fade with time but the feelings their behaviours caused are as raw now as they were then. Think of the worst boss, teacher or partner you ever had. How did they make you feel? How long ago did you know them? See what I mean?

How we show up matters – especially in the workplace, especially if we hold leadership positions.

As humans, many of us do not think about the impact we have on others. We expect them to experience the impact in line with our intentions. But here’s the thing. They don’t know what our intentions were, unless we tell them – which we rarely do.

The pieces of the jigsaw in the picture above, for me, make an effective, intelligent leader:

  1. THINKING – how is what I am going to say and do going to be received? There’s a reason our parents tell us to ‘think before we speak’!
  2. CONNECTING – do I really connect with my team? do I know anything about them outside work? do we have fun at work?
  3. EMPATHETIC – do I empathise with my team? use my awareness of their uniqueness to connect and collaborate with them to ensure they are empowered to flourish in the workplace?
  4. AUTHENTIC – do I really deliver on everything I say I will and if there is an issue which will stop me delivering – do I share this with my team? do I take them on a collaborative journey to deliver what’s needed?
  5. AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS – am I aware of when I might be struggling? what about my team? do I use my knowledge of my team to adapt my behaviours to meet their individual needs?
  6. WHAT IMPACT? – What impact do I really have on my team? do I ask them regularly for their thoughts on what I’m doing well and what I can do better? Do they know I value their opinions even if I’m not going to follow everything, I will always listen to their views.

As a certified Genos Emotional Intelligence Practitioner, I’m even more sure of the jigsaw pieces!

A current project has shown just how critical emotionally intelligent leadership is.

Let me set the context. A global organisation wanted to develop their key leadership team by finding out where they fell in core competency areas compared with how their connections felt.

Each leader nominated several raters from all categories of their connections – line management, peers, direct reports and others (suppliers, clients etc). Each rater completed a survey of 42 questions. The resulting 360 Emotionally Intelligent Leadership report revealed any gaps. The qualitative text facility enables raters to put into context their ratings.

Here’s the thing. Hardly anyone added qualitative text. Leaving many of the leaders bewildered on why they had been scored low in some areas.

My question to them on the debrief was “how does that make you feel?” which drew a range of answers – none of which were positive.

Then I asked “how many of the surveys you were a rater on did you leave qualitative text to give context to your ratings?”

Then came the lightbulb moment….

“Well, I assumed they would know so I didn’t leave any” came the response.

My final question “if you went back to the beginning of this process, would you add some qualitative text to give context to what your rating?”

“Yes, I now know how it feels to get a low score without knowing why”

Why share this event with you? Two reasons really

  1. It never ceases to amaze me how common it is for leaders to ‘assume’ everyone they connect with is clairvoyant and knows what the intention behind their actions was
  2. The power of that lightbulb moment when they realise the power of changing their behaviours.

How we show up matters. Your team are your most critical asset. They are they ones delivery the service for your clients. If they aren’t happy and flourishing – the relationship with your clients won’t either.

How does your leadership team show up?

Control what you can – ignore what you can’t!

What a roller coaster the past couple of years have been.

It seemed we’d turned a corner with the Government lifting restrictions, more and more people leaving their hybrid workplace and returning to their offices – even booking holidays, events and Christmas family gatherings! Life getting ‘back to normal’?

Then, earlier this week came the news of yet another variant. Omnicron had arrived!  A vortex of fear, dread, overthinking fell on some intensified by the re-introduction of some restrictions by the UK Government.

Scientists in South Africa alerted the world to this new variant. We know by the time a new variant has been announced, it’s already out there in the world’s population. They couldn’t control the reaction of countries closing their borders. Had they known, would they have shared their discovery?

Borders are starting to close.  Restrictions are being re-introduced.  It can feel like news channels are on repeat cycles of doom without any context or balance.  There is no evidence of which way this new variant will go. The UK Government’s consistent guidance of ‘we have to live with this’, seems to have now been reversed.

It’s no wonder anxiety, fear and overthinking is rising in many of us.  So, what can we do? 

Control what we can – ignore what we can’t.

Accept some things we cannot control.  Governments and scientists will make their decisions. But, here’s the thing.  When we accept these things are out of our control, we can stop focussing on them and look at what we can control.  The fear, anxiety and negative thinking starts to dissipate.  We start to grow stronger and move forward.

Change your thoughts – start by questioning them.  What evidence do you have to think that way? Often, we think negatively because our minds are designed to keep us safe and so they over amplify negative thoughts. Merely by questioning our negative thoughts, their power starts to dwindle.

Control – what areas of your life can you focus on, control and inject positivity into? Building in some self-care windows to everyday routines, learning new skills these are some of the building blocks to growing self-esteem, empowerment and resilience. Doing something for somewhere else makes us feel better and them. Start with a simple smile. Watch – it’s infectious!

For employers, what additional things can be considered? 

Emotional Intelligence behavioural assessments – our emotions impact our thoughts.  Our thoughts impact our behaviours.  Our behaviours impact our actions which impact everything and everyone around us.  Thing is how we see our behaviours can be very different to how those around us experience them.

i-act’s Managing and Promoting Positive Mental Health and Wellbeing delivers all the tools to proactively build a resilient workplace. The 50+ tools taught in i-act are life-long skills that enable us to deal with all life events. Accredited by the Royal College of Psychiatrists, designed specifically for the workplace and global.

Therefore, I’m going to control what I can and ignore what I can’t – how about you?

Is the Global Resignation October 2021 affecting your business?

Emotional Intelligence – how we show up matters!

Multiple research reports by academics and business bodies as well as World Economic Forum have all researched and published data about the importance of EI – especially in the workplace – consistently over the last decade+. 

EI is the key differentiator humans have over Artificial Intelligence (AI) – no machine can persuade, influence nor empathise with humans as well as we can.  There will always be a need for high EI talent in all businesses.  

Yet many businesses are unaware of the critical importance of this. Many don’t measure it nor access, gap analyse nor develop it. The Great Resignation published in October 2021 spoke of 41% of the global workforce considered moving jobs. But many business leaders are unaware of this nor the simple steps to rectify any hidden issues.

Studies have shown that high levels of emotional intelligence boost career success, mental health, relationships, humour, and happiness. 

Many employers invest heavily in a diverse range of training for their teams without assessing their emotional intelligence nor the emotional culture of the environment they work in.  This is like building a house on unstable foundations. Why would you waste money, time and effort like that?

So, what can employers do?

Emotional Culture Index

A digital online survey that takes less than five minutes to complete. Measures ten emotions in the workplace on three levels – current feeling, expected feeling and ideal feeling. This can be run across departments to see the general gaps in the culture of the business. This would be a good first step.

A more robust process reveals what’s really going on with your talent giving you time to develop and close any gaps before the risk of them leaving the business.

Workplace Emotional Intelligence Assessments from Genos International focus on the competencies shown in the model below with the respective unproductive and productive state outcomes for each – where do you want your teams sitting?

For instance, the skill of Positive Influence helps people create a productive environment for others. Positive Influence equips you with the capacity to encourage colleagues to cooperate and work effectively together. 

People who can positively influence others’ moods, feelings and emotions are empowering to work with and easily motivate those around them.  

However, take a moment to consider the unproductive opposite to this – ‘indifferent’  How would you feel working with someone in this category? Just how toxic would that be over time? 

Remember, negativity spreads as fast as positivity.

Emotionally Intelligent Workplace Behaviour Assessments

The Genos Emotionally Intelligent Workplace Behaviour survey measures how well you demonstrate emotionally intelligent workplace behaviours in comparison to others. It also reveals your raters’ experience of how well you demonstrate the same behaviours. The better you demonstrate the behaviours measured, the more effective your relationships and work will be. It’s not a test but a key development tool.

Workplace EI Assessments are available in three classifications:

Self     How well an individual believes they demonstrate these competencies in the        workplace and how important they believe they are.

180     In addition to Self above, the 180 includes comments and ratings from       colleagues along with their qualitative text. 

360     In addition to the 180, line additional raters from management, clients,      suppliers are included in the ratings and comments section

Key Features of the Assessment

  • Interpretation of results is engaging and readily accessible with easy to navigate reports.
  • Benchmarked results provide a comparison with others’ self-assessed results and the report outlines the type of behaviours associated with being emotionally intelligent in the workplace.
  • Raters provide free text responses for each competency assessed. These are captured in the Feedback Report and help understand the context behind rater responses to assessment questions.
  • A traffic light methodology highlights areas of potential strength and development.
  • Housed in a modern, responsive, online survey system. Raters can complete on their phone, tablet, PC or Mac, anywhere, at any time. 
  • The coaching process ensures the results are understood, insights are revealed, actions are identified and gaps closed leading to overall development and growth as well as stronger collaboration relationships with raters.
  • Quick and easy to complete in less than 20 minutes – a total of 42 questions.

Genos International has over 7,500 certified partners – of which I am one! It is a leader in the field of EI, has a global presence, 20 year trackable history, and won multiple industry awards year on year.

“It’s literally a game change for business and life changing for individuals” Dr Ben Palmer co-founder of Genos International.

Contact me for a free discussion on how I can help your busines

Drama Triangle – where do you see yourself?

Halloween has moved from a Pagen ritual to a festival of fun for children #trickortreating.

Thinking about the Drama Triangle of life, can we train ourselves to move positions?

Stephen B Karpman’s Drama Triangle focuses on people either being a victim or persecutor and drawing others into their viewpoint.

If we know how we behave, is it possible to change? Just as Halloween has changed in meaning – I feel we can all change if we have an honest analysis of ourselves.

What position do you see yourself in on the Drama Triangle?

VICTIM – vulnerable, ‘poor me’? Vulnerability shows your humanity. How powerful would it be to become self-aware of this, and focus on the solution toolkit to get you to be an empowered SURVIVOR instead?

PERSECUTOR – ‘the blamer’ – It’s all your fault. A bit of a bully. Be a CHALLENGER – listen, ask questions get the full picture. Collaboration is far more productive than bullying.

RESCUER – swoop in and fix everyone’s problem. Newsflash – your solution to their problems may not be their solution to their problems. Much more nurturing to become a COACH encouraging them to find their own solution.

So, in the midst of this Halloween weekend that has moved in meaning and with all the uncertainty in the world, at work, with our families and friends, is now the time for that uncomfortable self-analysis to become the person we really want to be rather than continuing to unconsciously display behaviours we may not realise nor like?

Emotional Intelligence Assessments will help you see where you and your team are and develop you to get to where you want to be.

Happy Halloween!

Is your team and workplace energised?

It’s easy to miss the subtle signs of change. If our teams aren’t energised, positive and enthusiastic, sooner or later the culture of the workplace will become toxic.

Prevention is better than cure – we all know this.

Sometimes, especially in leadership positions, we can focus on deadlines, budgets, projects instead of the team.

Some leaders have nailed this formula and know by taking care of their teams, their teams will take care of their business and clients.

Richard Branson famously said “If you take care of your team, they will take care of your customers”.

Makes perfect sense – doesn’t it? We all know how we feel when we’ve interacted with staff who feel valued, respected, listened to and the difference when they don’t.

Clearly, there is an issue with leadership and culture when staff are not feeling invested in and valued.

Thoughts and emotions impact behaviours. Behaviours impact actions. Bad leaders = devalued staff = toxic workplace = lost customers/business.

How we show up matters in all areas of our life.

To explore this further, why not join me on 16 November at 12noon? Use the link below to pre-register…..